The 7 Golden Rules of Motorhome travel?

The lessons I learned from my parents as I was growing up during the 1970s were simple.

1)Don’t litter

2)Clean up after yourself

3)Never arrive empty handed

4)Offer to help when you’re an invited guest

5)Say hello, please and thank you

6)Don’t be a pest

And finally,

7) Don’t overstay your welcome

These rules have served me well over my lifetime and I also know that I have sometimes been lacking in a few of them. I do my best to follow these same guidelines when I travel and I thought I’d bring to you some thoughts about sharing the road and camping spots that might be nice to consider if you don’t want people throwing eggs at your head of smearing your windscreen with dog poo. 

Unfortunately, the people likely to benefit the most from this post are the same people who couldn’t give a shit about anyone else. So if you happen to know someone who needs a good kick in the pants, send my post to them.

Why is behaving well while travelling in a motorhome important?

If people keep behaving in a slovenly manner, towns will continue to erect signs forbidding campervans. It’s in everyone’s best interest to behave with care or else pretty soon no one will be able to travel this way. It’s really quite simple. Not only that but I’ve seen increasing numbers of videos on YouTube chronicling attacks against van lifers, especially at night when people menace unsuspecting campers. It’s not fun and potentially dangerous for all of us.

Oh, and the excuse that the people in certain countries are just as, if not even dirtier, that in your own country is not valid. So here it is. Simply said, cultivate a little more care in how you behave on the road and everyone benefits. Don’t and we all suffer.

What are the golden rules of travelling in a campervan or motorhome?

Rule#1 Don’t litter.

Grey water

Closing your grey water tank when you are on paved city streets, in a campground or anywhere urban. When we were camped on a small road at a beach in Mazarron port in Spain a couple of Europeans in their van just let their grey water drain right onto the street. I told the guy he should close his tank and he looked at me like I was a total jerk and he pretended not to understand English. He just sauntered away and left for a bike ride. 

Grey water stinks, attracts mosquitos and vermin, dogs and cats drink it and get sick. There are so many reasons why it’s bad to let your water drain in urban settings. We also close our tank at campgrounds or where there is foot traffic. It’s just common sense but clearly, people haven’t gotten the memo.

Chemical toilets

In most campgrounds, there is a place to empty your chemical toilet, fill up with fresh, potable water and empty grey water. This is often in the same place. There is usually some kind of tap with a hose for people to use to fill up their water tanks but the problem is, people usually just drop the hose right near the toilet disposal or grey water drainage.

In many places, people can and often do catch amoebic dysentery, hepatitis, or other illnesses and wonder how it could possibly have happened. When we fill up our tank, we often just fill 5 litre jeryicans, making sure that the faucet doesn’t touch the rim of the can and that the lid is never placed on the ground; ever. 

In France, it is mandatory that water points be labelled l’eau non-potable if you cannot drink the water. In Spain, this is not necessarily the case, so I was constantly asking if the water was drinkable. More often than not they said no, even though it looked like a proper fountain etc. Even in service stations where you had to pay for water, the people in the service stations said the water wasn’t drinkable.

Garbage bags

Have garbage bags in your van and use them. Put glass in one container and if you have compostable material, throw it far into nature and not just next to your van. Put garbage bags into garbage containers.

Dog poo

If you have dogs, do not let them loose at a campsite and conveniently ignore the fact that they will shit and piss everywhere, usually right in front of my van.

Pick up your dog’s poo, put it into a bag and dispose of the bag in an appropriate bin. It’s not the job of everyone else in the campground to pick up after your animal. 

If you’re on a walking or hiking path and your dog craps in the middle of it, find a stick and push the crap off to the side. Don’t put the poo into a bag and then fling the bag into the forest where it will get stuck on a tree branch and never decompose. I mean really. Really?

What to do with human poo?

If you piss or poo in nature, don’t throw the paper into nature. Take it back to the van with you and either burn it if you’re allowed a fire, or dispose of it in your garbage. The best idea is to bury both your poo and the paper together. There are a few reasons to bury your crap.

 If you smoke cannabis, the THC gets excreted through your poo. Dogs love to eat poo and if it’s contaminated with THC, they can get sick and die. I suspect that other medications may have a similar effect, on domestic dogs or wild animals. 

Don’t piss where you or others sleep. Campsites have toilets. Use them. Oh and don’t dump your pee container into the dishwashing sink at a campground. I’ve seen that too. 

Rule 2 Clean up after yourself, and even others

Pick up every single thing that is yours maybe even pickup a few pieces of garbage left by others. This includes cigarette butts! 

I only throw organics into the wild where no one will actually see them.

The basic indicator if you’ve succeeded as you’re leaving is there should be no trace you were ever there, save, perhaps, a cleaner spot and tire tracks.

Rule 3 Offer to help clean up when you’re a guest

If you visit friends while on the road, clean up after yourself, put stuff away, do the dishes, offer to peel the potatoes, water the flowers, take the dog for a walk, whatever. You’re a guest but you’re not in a hotel. People have busy lives and you just showing up needing a shower doesn’t mean they should all of a sudden stop every activity of their daily lives to cater to you and you alone.

Rule 4. Never arrive empty handed

Bring something you can consume. Nuts, wine, cake, chocolates, really amazing bread, alcohol, good tea or coffee or butter, or anything that comes from where you live or where you’ve visited. No one needs any more souvenirs in their homes.

If you’re in a campsite and someone invites you over to their van for drinks or what have you, bring something to share. I made popcorn once and brought it to everyone while we watched world cup soccer. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but at least try to contribute something.

Rule 5  Say hello, please and thank you

Do I really need to say anything more about this? I sure hope not.

Rule 6 Don’t be a pest

The whole point of travelling

Take an interest in people’s lives around you. Listen more than you talk. Ask open-ended questions and really listen to what people say. We all have stories to tell, but just waiting for someone to stop talking so you can talk or play a game of one-upmanship won’t win you any friends.

Don’t offer advice unless someone asks for it. Don’t dominate conversations or decisions.

One thing I keep hearing on the road is how dirty the places are and why doesn’t the government do something about it. I may actually agree with the idea, but I certainly won’t be telling anyone from that country.

Be really careful about being openly critical of a country or people in front of the people who actually live there. It’s impolite and if they’re quiet, it’s probably because they’re actually holding back from telling you to go stuff it and go back home if you don’t like it.

Parking

When you park somewhere;

Don’t block someone else’s view

Don’t park right smack dab next to someone because you’re a scaredy pants. Move you’re butt as far away as possible and give people some space.

Don’t park with your door opening right on someone else’s door. Angle yourself away a bit or park so your door opens on the other side. Give people some privacy.

Do not leap upon people who’ve just arrived. They do not need, nor want, a welcoming committee. They likely need to pee, eat something, settle in and just have a moment’s peace.

Do not cross right in front of someone’s open van door and peer inside as you go buy, making tonnes of comments on how good it smells, or if it’s time for apéro. People are often changing clothing or washing or what have you. It would be like you walking into someone’s house, and just sauntering into their bathroom while they’re taking a shower.

Generally,say hello politely, cultivate some discretion and learn to recognize the signs when someone wants you to get out of their hair.

Don’t be so noisy

People have zero awareness of how loud they are. Maybe it’s because there are so many older retired folks travelling by van and they’re slightly hearing impaired. Keep it down.

Same goes for your music, your television, your generator and everything else.

And finally, Rule 7 Don’t overstay your welcome

Fish and guests all start to smell after three days. 

This goes for being a guest in someone’s house or when you’re visiting people in front of their camper. There is a moment when someone starts stretching, or shuffling their stuff around or generally making it clear they want you gone. 

It’s kind of like that moment in the film Shrek, when Donkey talks about how annoying it is when people won’t leave and there is this awkward silence. What follows is an awkward silence as Shrek clearly wants Donkey to vamoos and then Donkey asks if he can stay with him. “ NO!” shouts Shrek. Moral of this story? Learn to recognize the signs that people want you to leave, and then, you know, leave.

Do I sound like a bit of a curmudgeon about all this? Ya, maybe, but behaving well makes life on the road good for everyone. Be polite, give people some space, wait till you’re invited, be generous, don’t dominate, clean up after yourself and leave people alone. It’s really quite simple.

Have I missed anything? Is there anything people do while camping that annoys the crap out of you? What else? I know I’ve missed some stuff but these are just a few of the things I’ve noticed in my travels. If you have any questions about van life, ask away!

Oh and next time I will get back to my travels. I realized in my hazy of forgetting what day it is, that I forgot one of the legs of my trip. How could I forget about the cheese? Alas, forgive me.